family

I want to be a normal family. I want to have my big kids on a more regular basis. I don't want to have to explain to one more person that gemma and brecken don't live with me or go to school in medford--seeing that look of judgement in their eyes--wondering why they don't live with their mom. I hate not living in the same town as them. I want to volunteer in their schools, pick them up from school like i used to do, not have to drive 3 hours to see them. I am so frustrated. our house is worth less then what we bought it for. I just want to give up--be done with the house, the city..... and move back to bend where we belong.
unfortunately i am responsible and have obligations here--my precious little ones need me. i have a really good job, and a beautiful house--it is just in the wrong city.
dan can never understand how i truly feel. they are not his children--i love how he treats them as his own but every minute of every day there is a void in my life that he will never truly know.
I have gemma and brecken starting tomorrow for three weeks and am already dreading when that 3 weeks is over....